Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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