I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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