They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
