Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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