you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
