Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
