there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
