I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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