her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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