Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
