I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
