don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
