So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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