He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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