Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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