I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
