My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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