Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My vagina is very pro this idea
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