Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Found the puke drawer
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
