He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
