omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
