MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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