and my herpes radar will keep us safe
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
