in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If that was your dad, he is hot
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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