Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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