Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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