dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
