On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
