What did we do last night that was yellow?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
