in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
