yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
