at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
