so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
my liver is dry heaving
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
