i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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