Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
