Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
This girl is more easily done than said...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Shame is for Republicans.
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