"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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