Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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