Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
