And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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