Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
