the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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