hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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