You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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