David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
