Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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