Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
