You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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