my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
