Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
