lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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