Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
