Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
