Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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