you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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