hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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