you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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