So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
