I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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