I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
